How to help your teenager with anxiety?
Written by, Mak Estill
Anxiety, Panic & Life Coach + founder and owner of Actionable Anxiety®
First published 12/26/25 ~ Last updated 12/27/25
If you’re a kick-ass, loving parent 💞 …
In the midst of supporting (or “trying to support”) an anxious teenager …
And you’re starting to feel some weird mix of drained, distraught, disoriented, or just way too freaking deep in the internet rabbit holes 🐰 🕳️ 😵💫 …
Then welcome! → This post is for you.
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Let’s start with how this blog post is going to be different.
Because when parents (such as yourself) spend time perusing the internet …
Trying to gather tips and tricks on how to best support their anxious teen …
The findings invariably lead to 1 of 3 things …
a laundry list of associated symptoms of anxiety
general recommendations about getting your teen into therapy
or recommendations of a million coping techniques (like exercise, meditation, breathing techniques, journaling, etc.)
But in this blog post, we’re covering none of that ❌🙅♀️.
Instead …
I am going to share with you the top things - from the perspective of an Anxiety, Panic, & Life Coach 🙋♀️ - that I want your big, beautiful, loving, but totally burnt-out parent brain to hear.
Take a dive into what interests you most 🐬💦👇.
We’ll be covering …
How do I know if my teenager is anxious?
I’ve already got my teen in therapy, but it’s not helping?
What are the most common mistakes parents make when helping an anxious teen?
What should I NOT say to my teen with anxiety?
How do I support my teen without making their anxiety worse?
What if I don’t have the skill to help my anxious teenager?
How do I know if my teenager is anxious?
Your teen could totally be experiencing anxiety - or - they could totally not be 🤷♀️.
Regardless → it’s all one big freaking fear party 🎉.
What do I mean by this?
As an Anxiety, Panic, & Life Coach, I will tell you … that 95% of the time people (of any age) talk to me about their “anxiety” …
I know that (by my definition) they are not experiencing anxiety at all.
Instead, they are experiencing fear - in and of itself.
And the more compounding … colliding … and compiling fears …
The bigger the fear party, and the higher the chance of real anxiety to develop.
But the reason most people colloquially and ubiquitously tag what they are experiencing as “anxiety”, is because fear does create all sorts of wacky discomfort in the body - and the more fear, the more wackiness unfolds and ensues.
When it comes to fear, things can get messy, confusing, and chaotic - real freaking quick ⚡️.
Both for the person experiencing the fear (your teen) - and - for the person bearing witness to it all (the parent).
I have no doubt that these two blog posts (below) are non-negotiable next reads if you and your teen are REALLY trying to understand more about this thing called “anxiety” … and how it may (or may not be) relevant to what’s been going on for your beloved teen:
👉 👀 📝 - What is Anxiety?
👉 👀 📝 - Anxiety vs Fear Explained
These blog posts will provide tremendous clarity for you and your teen … positioning you both on a strong start line for future discussions and next best steps.
I’ve already got my teen in therapy, but it’s not helping?
Ahhhh - YES. Okay first off, you get a massive parent gold star for taking action (and making the investment) to supplement and diversify the support your teen receives in their life → 🌟.
And an extra gold star for being brave enough to say the real thing … (i.e. 🗣️ “this s*** ain’t working”) → 🌟 + 🌟 .
There are TONS of reasons why - for both teens and adults - that therapy does not do much of diddly squat for achieving anxiety reduction.
And this isn’t just common …
It’s actually the MOST common experience, sentiment, and results shared amongst anxiety sufferers, young and old alike.
This was a big part of my story too.
I got so disenchanted at the caliber of support I was seeing in various mental health and therapeutic environments ...
And even more dismayed at what I call “the brain pain, brain drain and wallet strain” effect that seemed to tag along with the already underwhelming experience I was having in the therapy chair.
Now, as an Anxiety, Panic, & Life Coach 🙋♀️, there are many magical and wonderful things I team up with individuals to complete and achieve for their life, but one of them is …
… having the conversations they wished they had gotten all their months and years in therapy
… so they can begin to experience the results they wished they had gotten from all their months and years in therapy
I.e. 👉 I provide the conversations I wish someone would have had with me when I was in my deepest, darkest and most mentally tangled years of fear and anxiety 🌪️.
After seeing a handful of diverse practitioners throughout my 20s, all of whom were nice, educated and well-intended professionals …
The honest outcome from my therapeutic investments 😬 …
Is that not only were they of little to no help, but they actually made things much - MUCH - worse for my anxiety.
Talk about a complete fail 🫠👎 🫠👎 🫠, and an unexpected one at that!
That was a recurring experience for me.
And since then, I’ve encountered countless sentiments from others, all of whom share a similar or even identical story to mine.
I DO NOT find this to be an acceptable or applaudable trend, and is one of many reasons why I’m delightfully dedicated to creating more educated and empowered consumers of therapeutic resources (i.e. you and your teen 💕).
So … I got a lot to say on the matter 😏.
And if your teen:
is in therapy ✅ …
likes their therapist ✅ …
has maybe even acquired a helpful nugget or two ✅ …
but is just so ready to experience real transformation in reducing the frequency, intensity and duration of their anxiety symptoms 🏁 …
Then please please please …
For the love of God …
Take a peek at the following read 👉 👀 📝 👉 Therapy Not Helping Your Anxiety?
It’s an in-depth guide that lays out my tippy-top (🔝🏔️👆) best guesses as to why therapy is *likely* not yielding your teenager any noticeable or worthwhile results.
Most common mistakes parents make when trying to help their teen with anxiety!
Most common mistake #1, see 👉 What should I NOT say to my teen with anxiety?
Most common mistake #2, see 👉 How do I support my teen without making their anxiety worse?
Most common mistake #3, see 👉 What if I don’t have the skill to help my anxious teenager?
What should I NOT say to my teen with anxiety?
Ever wondered why your teen storms off when you’re trying to console them?
Have you been left shocked and confused as to how … out of all freaking people … → YOU ← … ended up somehow being the bad guy 🫤 … especially when you were “just trying to help”?
Are you feeling isolated and underutilized as a support resource, because your teen either won’t open up, won’t tell you what’s REALLY going on, or no longer leans on you for support?
Do you feel like every time you step in to help, your presence somehow creates EVEN MORE of a melty, downward spiraling shit show?
You know …
The one where you feel like you accidentally shoved your teen into some kind of deep-dark-mysterious-mental-black-hole-abyss 🌪️ 🫠 🕳️ … wondering when and if they are ever going to recover?
If so … this section is for you!
So here we go!
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Let’s start with this …
Because there is just TOO MANY variables to try to speak to in one singular blog post, I've gotta speak incredibly top-level here!
Imagine me like an eagle on top of a mountain 🏔️ 🦅 …
Soaring over you and your teen …
Observing, listening …
Picking up on the most common trends, themes and interplays within y’all’s interactions.
THAT is what I’m going to briefly discuss here.
This is my quick and dirty, ultra top level, list of “no-gos” … as to what NOT to say to your anxious teenager …
All from the perspective of an Anxiety, Panic & Life Coach 🙋♀️ - and - as someone who was an incredibly anxious teen and young adult during my years of youth - and - as someone who had really loving and supportive parents who only wanted the best for me (forever and always, just as you do with your teen 💕) …
Sound good? Good!
Ready - set - go!
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Let’s start with a bit of a bomb drop.
Chances are high - very high - that you have recently been saying statements to your teenager, that are (unintentionally) ineffective …
And …
A partial lie (also unintentional).
So you’ve got a double whammy going on!!!
A 👎 + 👎 kind of situation.
And do you know what 👎 + 👎 equals? More of this → 👎.
So since you haven’t had a high success rate so far, with feeling like you’re “saying the right thing” to your teenager.
I recommend … to NOT …
Build habits of saying any of the following (or any altered version of the following) statements, all of which are very commonly said to an anxious loved one (whether it be by their parent, partner or peers):
❌ - “It’s just anxiety.”
❌ - “It will pass. Give it time.”
❌ - “It will all be alright.”
❌ - “You’ll phase out of this soon enough.”
❌ - “This is part of life.”
❌ - “Everybody goes through this.”
❌ - “This is normal.”
These, and similar statements, are what I call “filler responses”.
They are always well intended by the person speaking them (i.e. you) …
And are by and far not the worst things to say to your beloved teenager during a moment or season of emotional disturbance …
But … in all honesty 😬 …
These statements are often said when the support person (the parent) doesn’t have anything more precise, potent and/or effective to say to the teen.
And these statements produce a quadruple whammy “ouchie” (💥) effect.
A 👎 + 👎 + 👎 + 👎 situation.
Because first off …
These kind of statements (99% of the time) do darn near diddly squat for your loved one - both in the short term, and in the long run - for elevating their emotional self-management skills (things like emotional regulation, emotional literacy, etc).
Secondly …
Whether we are discussing a parent-teen relationship, a husband-wife relationship, or any other human to human relationship …
When Person A says things to Person B (i.e. you → to your teen) in a moment of emotional need …
And the things said by Person A (you) …
Prove to NOT be effective at that time for addressing the emotional needs of Person B (your teen) … two things will inevitably result.
First 👉 An (unintended) cut of connection 💕➰➰✂️➰➰💕 occurs in the moment.
Second 👉 Cuts of connection 💕➰➰✂️➰➰💕 ensue ... ON REPEAT … because of similar rhetoric and language patterns being offered to your teen.
Which …
Is a slow relationship killer ... 💔 🪦 😓 (to say the least).
AND …
To top it off?
This leads us to the fourth “ouchy” ….
Which is that these kinds of statements (listed above) aren’t even 100% true 😬.
Yep. You read that right.
Let me give you some rapid-fire examples.
❌ - “It’s just anxiety.”
99.9999999% of people I meet with, of ANY age, does not have what I consider to be an accurate, thorough, effective, nor empowering understanding of anxiety.
So … quite frankly … I’m going to guess your teen … and dare I say, even you … likely do not either.
Which means, when you say it’s “just anxiety”, this means nearly nothing to them.
TRULY. It means almost diddly squat 🤷♀️.
You might as well be speaking a foreign language, because you practically are!
And this leads to all sorts of other issues … which is why you should check out my 👉 👀 📝 - #1 Tip for Reducing Anxiety.
❌ - “It will pass. Give it time.”
What if the teen has been giving it time?
Maybe, unbeknownst to you, they’ve already been trying to quietly wait it out for months or years now?
So when you say something like … “Sweetie just give it some time.” …
A facet of their mind is going to automatically and naturally hear 👉 “Mom/Dad thinks I haven’t been giving it time … they underestimate me … they don’t understand how long I’ve been quietly struggling … how patient I've been … they don’t understand that giving it time hasn’t produced any changes for me … they must not care enough … they must not be taking me seriously”.
ALL OF WHICH … is a sheer recipe for cutting connection and for exacerbating any spiraling session that’s already brewing and underway - or - live in action 🫣🌪️.
❌ - “It will all be alright.”
What do you consider to be “alright”?
Have you even taken the time to inquire as to what “alright” might mean to your teen?
Do you both share the same definition of “alright”?
Start by approaching with curiosity first, then move forward from clarity — not assumption.
Because most of the time an “everything will be alright” statement is thrown around …
It’s operating off of assumption that everyone in the room (i.e. you, your teen, and any other family members involved in the conversation) are all sharing the same vision of “all-rightness”.
❌ - “You’ll phase out of this soon enough.”
❌ - “This is part of life.”
❌ - “Everybody goes through this.”
I’m putting these three in the same category bucket, because when combined, they imply two things 👉 1) that anxiety is an experience everyone has, and 2) it’s temporary.
Neither of which are entirely true.
I have met many people, ranging from the pre-teen age … all the way into the sunset age range (60+ years), who have never experienced much - OR ANY - anxiety throughout their life thus far.
So NO → Not everybody goes through what your teen is going through, especially if your teen is experiencing chronic and prolonged anxiety.
And if you tell them that “everybody” goes through it, in the attempt to normalize their experience for them …
But then they meet people (online or in person) that say they aren’t “going through it” or never “went through it” …
Then that’s an incredibly disorienting and disheartening experience for an anxiety sufferer to try to navigate through.
Trust me.
I was there.
I experienced exactly that 🙋♀️.
The result? 👉 A tenfold increase in the frequency, intensity and duration of my anxiety symptoms throughout my 20’s.
Because even though all the mental health practitioners (the therapists, the psychiatrist, etc) kept telling me how normal it was and that so many people go through what I was going through …
I STILL TO THIS DAY - even as a professional anxiety coach🙋♀️ - have not yet met anyone that has had my exact list of symptoms or experiences with anxiety.
Additionally … I’m going to guess your teen has access to the internet (even if you’re limiting it).
And with just a wee bit of research, your teen can EASILY find hundreds of thousands of humans sharing their personal stories (whether on YouTube, Reddit, or Facebook support groups) of how they DID NOT phase out of anxiety, and that it actually got much freaking worse with each decade they got older.
So once again … if you’re telling your teen that they will “phase out of it soon enough”, or that things can “just be extra difficult during the teen years” …
Then that can 💥- 1 -💥 quickly set your teen up for a disorienting and disheartening experience (likely exacerbating their anxiety over time) …
And 💥- 2 -💥 … leave them (quietly) wondering if you are a reliable and trustworthy resource to confide in for their mental health concerns.
❌ - “This is normal.”
This is like telling your kid that it’s 30º and snowing outside 🥶 …
And then gently pushing them out the door (wearing shorts and a tank top) to walk 5 miles to school ...
While you’re saying “there there, this struggle is normal, all is well, have a good day at school!”.
Snow & coldness can be normal (depending on your local climate) …
And yes …
The possibility of experiencing anxiety is a “normal” occurrence that every human brain is equipped to experience if particular conditions are present …
But that doesn’t do a single thing to educate, empower, or equip your loved one as to what they can really do about it?
This leaves the anxiety sufferer feeling just as heavy and disoriented as before — if not more.
So your next question, naturally …
Might be something like … “Well Mak, this was all super helpful, but what is it then that I SHOULD say to my teen instead?” …
And if so …
My response would be …
“I’m not sure yet!” 🤷♀️.
Simply because I need more info about what it is your teenager has recently been experiencing, and how it is you’ve attempted (or are still attempting) to console, comfort and support their mental health and evolutionary growth process.
Which is exactly why I offer 🎉 peer support coaching 🎉 for parents, partners and peers of an anxious loved one.
Peer support coaching is great for those who are looking to truly elevate their support skills, transforming into a potent and effective source of support for their loved one - without it feeling like a full time (or even part time) job.
If that sounds like you 👉 then book us a chat so we can determine how I can best support you and your loved one.
How do I support my teen without making their anxiety worse?
If you haven’t already, I ABSOLUTELY recommend reading the above section titled 👉 What should I NOT say to my teen with anxiety?
That’s where I discuss the totally well intended, but entirely unhelpful statements that parents, partners and peers commonly say to their anxious loved one.
This section is an extension of what was discussed there, because I have another recommendation of “what not to say” to your anxious teenager.
My other recommendation to you …
Is to avoid any “brick” statements 🧱.
Which, FYI → is not formal terminology, just a term I made up.
So what are “brick” statements?
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Simply put, it’s any kind of statement you offer to your teen that ends up - instantly - adding psychological and emotional weight to their here-and-now experience!
Brick statements will totally and completely make things worse - and fast 🫣!
Regardless if whatever you said was “well intended” or even sorta-kinda-true.
Examples:
🧱 - “You need to figure this out soon”
🧱 - “You gotta get this under control before you leave for college”
🧱 - “You’re not going to make friends easier this way”
🧱 - “You need to stop spending so much time on your phone”
🧱 - “We’ve gotten you 5 different therapists, what else are you wanting us to do?!”
When you say a brick statement, it’s like you just handed over to them five more pounds to hold, manage, solve, be responsible for, and/or do something with.
And although brick statements can come in all different forms …
Usually a key giveaway that you may be offering up a brick statement is when you say something that starts with, or includes “you need”.
🧱 - “You need to tell me what’s going on so I can start to figure out how to best support you.”
Even if there's a facet of your teenager’s brain that knows it would be advantageous if they did XYZ action … or accomplished ABC thing … or followed 123 steps …
There's also a facet of their mind that, when it hears the word “need” …
Starts shooting off more alarm bells in the brain (because “need” implies immediate threat to survival).
So you may be (unintentionally) adding extra “heaviness” and “stress” to their already existing heavy and stressful sensory experience.
This leads to things like meltdowns 🫠 🕳️ 🌪️ …
Or a cut of connection 💕➰➰✂️➰➰💕 …
Both immediately and in the long run.
What if I don’t have the skill to help my anxious teenager?
Simple! Get them in the hands of someone who does 🙋♀️.
Because you are - quite frankly - going to waste a lot of brain pain, brain drain, and time strain if not 🤷♀️ 🪫 ⏳.
So it’s just as much of an investment for your teen’s success as it is for your own success.
And similarly …
Just like how you wouldn’t send your teenager to any doctor under the moon (especially to receive medical care for a specific, niche medical issue) …
I always recommend parents start their teenager with anxiety coaching first and foremost (☝️🏁) …
And then pivot from there … based on your teen’s experience, results and learnings gleaned!
Because here’s my no-BS sharing 🎯👇.
Most people, when attempting to get help with their anxiety …
End up reporting rather flaccid results from their therapeutic experiences.
This is because they went to a generalist therapeutic provider who advertises being able to “help with anxiety” … vs … having gone to an anxiety specialist who delivers high caliber, potent support sessions addressing their anxiety.
As an Anxiety, Panic & Life Coach, I spend the entirety of my craft teaming up with folks (of all ages) to get them a life of lesser and lighter anxiety - AND - to achieve that with so much less brain pain, brain drain, and wallet strain along the way.
Because let’s be real …
Anxiety is freaking exhausting.
But what’s EVEN MORE exhausting?
Continuing to experience the same disappointing and disempowering results on repeat 😩 🔁 🥵.
So teaming up with a practitioner who has …
✅ tons of personal experience with anxiety +
✅ achieved the results your teen currently desires +
✅ specializes in anxiety full time …
Is likely the next best move (individually, and as a team) for you and your teen!
If you would like to explore how anxiety, panic & life coaching support through Actionable Anxiety® can accomplish getting your loved one a life of lesser and lighter anxiety - OR - if your looking to seriously up level your support skills in 1) what you say to your teen, 2) how you say it 3) and the results that come after … book us a chat below👇.
For all the parents out there, these are non-negotiable next reads:
👉 👀 📝 - What is Anxiety?
👉 👀 📝 - How to Heal Your Anxiety?
👉 👀 📝 - #1 Tip for Reducing Anxiety
👉 👀 📝 - Therapy Not Helping Your Anxiety?
👉 👀 📝 - Anxiety vs Fear Explained
Medical Disclaimer ‼️ ⛑️ 🗣️ → Nothing expressed, shared, or promoted in this (or other Actionable Anxiety blog posts) should be considered as - nor a substitute for - medical advice.
AI Disclaimer ‼️ 🤖 🗣️ → AI LLMs, such as ChatGPT, are used only for spelling and grammar checks when producing Actionable Anxiety blog posts! AI is never utilized to replace — nor supplement — my creativity, voice, critical thinking, or my articulation skills (whether written or audio-recorded). Blog posts written by me are 100% written by me 🙋♀️ … from start to finish (🏁 → 👩💻 → 🏁) … traveling all the way from my brain, heart, and computer screen 💕 → to your brain, heart, and computer screen 💕.
