How To Control Drinking Alcohol 🍻
Written by, Mak Estill
Anxiety, Panic & Life Coach + founder and owner of Actionable Anxiety®
First published 12/17/25 ~ Last updated 12/18/25
This blog is definitely for you, if you’ve been saying anything similar to:
🗣️ “I gotta get my drinking under control!”
🗣️ “How do I stop thinking about alcohol all the time?”
🗣️ “Why does controlling my drinking feel so hard?”
🗣️ “How do I drink less without white-knuckling it?”
🗣️ “How do I reduce my drinking without feeling deprived?”
As someone who went through a 5+ year journey to sobriety myself (🙋♀️) — AND — as an Anxiety, Panic & Life Coach who teams up with folks to get sobriety accomplished (amongst many other very cool and exciting life biggies) …
I’ll share with you my number-one tippy-top tip for drinking less (☝️🏔️🔝) while walking you through a real-life example, with a real-life client, that hits the point home perfectly 🎯.
Ready to dive in? 🐬💦👇 … Scroll down!
Want the quick and dirty TL;DR?👇
🥵 - For most people … most of the time … spending time “trying to control drinking” just gifts you a bunch of time spent “trying to control your drinking” … which is aggravating, exhausting, depressing, and rather uninspiring (to say the least).
🥇- By and large … the fastest, most natural, most automatic, and most easeful process towards “drinking less” is → feeling good more often (in your day-to-day and week-to-week life).
🎯 - Deciding to learn how to feel good in your life — consistently, sustainably, and on purpose — and stepping into deliberate action to accomplish that exactly … will result in you no longer employing alcohol with a job you never wanted it to have in the first place.
🤝 - Teaming up with a coach is a fabulous next step for getting this accomplished.
It's very common that folks who come to me for anxiety, panic, or life coaching support are also in the throes of a tumultuous and suboptimal relationship with some kind of stimulant use …
Whether that be coffee, cocaine, their ADHD medicine …
Or of course … ALCOHOL 🍾.
Whether they tag their relationship as an addiction, a compulsion, an inclination, a habit, or a desire …
The most common sentiment I hear? 👉 “Mak, I gotta get my drinking under control.”
And I get it.
I myself - 🙋♀️ - went through my own version of hell and back with stimulant use in my 20s …
As well as a 5+ year recovery and sobering process.
So I've got a lot to share about what keeps people stuck in cycles of use and abuse — AND — what keeps their recovery and sobriety process prolonged (🥵🪫🔄).
But in this blog post I wanna share my number one tippy-top tip for drinking less (☝️🏔️🔝) - WHICH - abso-freaking-lutely applies to other drug use as well.
So come along now!
🚂 ✨🚂 ✨🚂 ✨
Let’s start here …
👇👇👇👇👇
I want to share with you a little inside peek into a real-life conversation I had with a client just the other week.
My new client was explaining to me, that in prior years, after successfully completing a rehabilitation program for her cocaine and alcohol use, she successfully became sober — AND — stayed sober for a whole entire year.
During the year of sobriety, she was doing great, feeling great, looking great — all the greatness! 🎉
Then, later on …
Her sobriety lapsed.
And she ended up back in another rehabilitation program.
Throughout the entirety of that second program, she secretly knew deep down that she (without a doubt) was just gonna start up drinking again once she was released or “graduated” from the program.
And, as predicted …
She did just what she set out to do! 👉 She got out of the program and continued on with her drinking instantly upon release.
Fast forward through a few more years of struggle and use …
She came knocking on my door — my virtual door of course 👩💻💕 — looking for support.
Throughout my first few coaching sessions with her, I kept hearing comments similar to …
🗣️ “I gotta get this drinking under control!”
A comment I was very familiar with …
Because I too used to say that and similar sentiments to myself … all the freaking time 😬.
As she continued to emphasize how important it was that things finally change for good … and that alcohol truly ceases to exist in her life …
She eventually looked at me and asked what I recommend for her next steps to be.
My answer? Well … it shocked her 🫢.
I said …
🗣️ “You stop.”
🗣️ ”Stop what?”, she asked.
🗣️ “Stop spending so much time trying to control your drinking. Stop spending ANY time trying to control your drinking for that matter.”
Stunned …
And totally confused …
She stared at me blankly through the computer screen 👀.
I continued on …
🗣️ ”Why am I saying this? Because the evidence is clear. Trying to ‘control alcohol’ continues to do nothing but waste away your precious time and energy, and all the ‘trying to control your drinking’ has just gotten you a heck of a lot more of exactly that … trying to control your drinking. Which, is not only exhausting, it's extremely depressing and agitating of an experience. Wouldn’t you agree? And additionally, it’s not even the real thing you want anyhow.”
Looking at me like I was crazy, she responds …
🗣️ “What do you mean I don't need to control my alcohol? And what do you mean it’s not even what I really want?? This is everything to me! I want to become sober ... I NEED to become sober!”.
I responded …
🗣️ “So do what it takes to become sober. But becoming sober does not have a single goddamn thing to do with controlling your alcohol … and has everything to do with what you're doing in between the times you have a drink in your hand.”
Looking at me a bit befuddled … I decided to have her map out the blueprint herself ✏️ 🤔 🗺️ 🧭.
I wanted her to not only “get it”, but I wanted her to REALLY take ownership of what was about to come next for her.
So I begin by saying …
🗣️ “Ok … let's make this simple … because really … it is! During that year that you were successfully sober, what were you doing on the day-to-day and week-to-week? How did your life on the day-to-day and week-to-week look different than it currently does now?”
She responded with things like …
“I was” …
🥦 eating healthy
🏃♀️ working out consistently
⛪️ going to church
🤝 making more genuine and high-quality connections
🫴 doing community service
💞 spending more time with my family and loved ones
So I said …
🗣️ “And overall, throughout your day-to-day and week-to-week, how did all those activities make you feel?”
She responded …
🗣️ “Outstanding! I felt absolutely amazing. I felt great!”
Then I said …
🗣️ “Awesome! Now let's fast forward to today. Tell me what you spend a lot of your day-to-day and week-to-week doing? How does your day-to-day and week-to-week currently look, in comparison to your year of sobriety creation?”
She goes on to explain, that she spends 95% of her time …
❌ in isolation
❌ alone in her home
❌ just “trying not to drink”
The result? …
👇👇👇👇
DRINKING
👆👆👆👆
And not just “drinking” …
But MORE drinking …
And …
MORE of “trying to control the drinking”.
So I said to her …
🗣️ “Last question for you! If right now I can wave a magic wand (🪄), and you and I could peek into the future …. let’s say … five years from now … and we were seeing you “successfully sober” … BUT … not just sober … we’re talking — SO — TOTALLY — SOBER (whether that's having zero alcoholic beverages, or that's having just a handful of intentional beverages per month). If future me, five years from now, was asking you how “controlling your alcohol” was going … you’d look at me and laugh. Not because my question was stupid or silly, but because the relevancy of the question feels a bit absurd to you at that point in your life. My question feels rather freaking irrelevant to the new reality you now occupy … so much so … that you look at me and say, “Mak, I'm so in control of my alcohol that I'm not even spending time ‘controlling my alcohol’. Controlling alcohol feels like an irrelevant task to me.”
I then asked her to consider imagining THAT future version of her, and how she thinks it would feel to be having that conversation with me — five years from now.
She responds instantaneously, saying …
🗣️ “It would feel absolutely amazing — the most amazing!”
So I said to her …
🗣️ “Let me get this straight then … in order to successfully get sober (originally, years back, after completing the first rehab program), the key was feeling good (more often than not) in your body, in your mind, and in your day-to-day life. Correct? And furthermore, once you were experiencing sobriety, it gifted you the experience of feeling good more often than not, in your body, in your mind, and throughout your day-to-day life. Correct? So what have you discovered is the fastest way to sobriety?”
I wait as she stares at me like a deer in the headlights 👀 …
🗣️ “Feel good, more often! Feel great, more often! Feel amazing, more often!”, I shout! “Feel good on the way to more good. Feel great on the way to more great. Feel amazing on the way to more amazing. That’s the key 🔑. That’s the fast track. That’s how this gets done. And that’s how we’re going to get this completed for you.”
THIS …
👇
BY AND FAR …
👇
IS THE FASTEST ⚡️ …
👇
MOST NATURAL 🌱 …
👇
MOST AUTOMATIC ✅ …
👇
MOST EASEFUL 😎 …
… route to a healthy, regulated, and ideal relationship with any substance or stimulant ... whatever which way you want to define or craft that for your life 🤷♀️.
Because here's the deal …
We drink (or continue to drink) when we feel some version of bad.
ANY version of bad.
No matter how “big” or “small”.
This can be …
😫 work stress …
😖 back pain …
💋 feeling nervous for an upcoming date …
WHATEVER!
There's a bazillion different versions, moments and opportunities for feeling “bad” in our week-to-week life.
But when you’re TRULY feeling good in your body (at least a majority of the time) … it's nearly impossible to continue to crave alcohol.
Because here's what happens ...
👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
The human body is smart — wicked smart ⚡️🧠⚡️.
So when you're in pain or discomfort, and you intake a substance (like an alcoholic beverage) …
The positive effects from alcohol (relaxation, lightheartedness, increase in humor, etc.) demonstrates to the brain that the thing (i.e. the alcoholic beverage in your hand) is a fabulous tool for immediately and temporarily succeeding in reducing your internal discomforts …
So, there’s an aspect of your brain that loves this!
And soon … begins to love it (🍺).
There’s an aspect of your brain that registers this data, and says “Hmmm, alcohol is good, or at least somewhat good!”
And it’s not wrong. It’s correct.
I mean … HELLO!!! 👉 There’s a reason why billions of people continue to drink alcohol each day.
But nearly no one on this earth is ordering a glass of Clorox bleach from the waitress at a restaurant.
Because your brain is smart (✅) and pays attention to what works (✅). And let’s be honest, alcohol can really freaking “work”.
Which is why I often say to clients, “alcohol is good to do, but not good to have done.”
But … the inverse also remains true.
If you’re truly feeling awesome in your mind and in your body throughout most of your day-to-day and week-to-week life ...
And you suddenly go to grab an alcoholic beverage …
Your body is gonna become veryyyyyyyy unattracted to it, and veryyyyyyy quickly. So much so, that your body will start to make you feel a bit sick (i.e. mildly disgusted or discomforted) — and quick 👌!
Why?
Because your brain is saying … “We feel great! All needs are met. So what are we doing with this tool (🍺)? This tool isn’t relevant here?”
For example …
Every single one of us feels generically discomforted — even a bit disgusted — when we proceed to continue taking bites of food after we are so clearly “full” and satisfied with our meal 🍕 🤢 🍽️.
In these moments, the body starts sending signals to you, saying …
“Stop! Our needs are met! No need for further action! Put down the pizza slice! Put down the fork! We're all good here! Knock it off please.”
Well, same thing goes for drinking 🎯.
The honest truth is that the more “good”, “great”, “better”, “awesome” we're feeling in our day-to-day and week-to-week life …
The more you will see a natural, automatic, easeful and proportional decrease in your desires and compulsions towards substance use.
It REALLY is as simple as that …
This is the core 🎯 …
The root 🌱 …
The bare bones 🦴 …
The stripped down, naked, no bullshit truth of it all.
But also 🤷♀️ …
For most folks …
Executing this whole “just feel better on your way to feeling better” plan doesn’t seem to happen as simply as the blueprint makes it seem.
And there are a million reasons for this!
And …
This was part of my story to sobriety too 🙋♀️.
A stark reality I faced despite how often I was getting myself to “feel good” through exercise, healthy eating, etc.
Which is exactly why I love teaming up with folks to cause and complete this desired transformation for their life (i.e. defining and designing our desired version of “sobriety”).
Because I really do understand how the path to sobriety is …
SO.
FREAKING.
SIMPLE.
And yet … the experience ends up feeling entirely messy and totally not simple once starting to play out.
For many of us — MOST of us — getting really freaking good at getting ourselves to feel really freaking good all the time … is a skill set that does not come easy (👎 ❌ 🤨).
BUT … it’s totally 100% accessible, possible and achievable for us all …
And you’d be surprised by how impactful just a few intentional tweaks and polishes can be to really clean up and expedite your process towards sobriety ⏳ 🧹 🧼.
Let me end by asking you this … what sounds more exciting to you?
In a handful of years from now …
Envision yourself chatting with someone …
a loved one …
a neighbor …
a coworker …
What’s the BIG and bold thing you want to hear yourself saying out loud?
Is it …
🗣️ “I’m so happy I succeeded in getting my alcohol under control.”
Or … is it …
🗣️ “I decided I was going to learn how to feel good in my life — consistently, sustainably, and on purpose — and I stepped into deliberate action to accomplish that exactly 🎯. The result? I stopped employing alcohol with a job I never wanted it to have in the first place.”
Listen …
There’s a lot of options for the BIG bold thing that future you could be saying!
But … in my opinion … succeeding in “controlling alcohol” ain’t one of them.
Because I know there is SO - MUCH - MORE available for you than just that 🎉.
And I also know …
That a single conversation could change your entire trajectory 👇.
Continue to expand your learning …
👉 👀 📝 - What is Anxiety?
👉 👀 📝 - How to Heal Your Anxiety?
👉 👀 📝 - #1 Tip for Reducing Anxiety
👉 👀 📝 - Therapy Not Helping Your Anxiety?
👉 👀 📝 - Anxiety vs Fear Explained
Medical Disclaimer ‼️ ⛑️ 🗣️ → Nothing expressed, shared, or promoted in this (or other Actionable Anxiety blog posts) should be considered as - nor a substitute for - medical advice.
AI Disclaimer ‼️ 🤖 🗣️ → AI LLMs, such as ChatGPT, are used only for spelling and grammar checks when producing Actionable Anxiety blog posts! AI is never utilized to replace — nor supplement — my creativity, voice, critical thinking, or my articulation skills (whether written or audio-recorded). Blog posts written by me are 100% written by me 🙋♀️ … from start to finish (🏁 → 👩💻 → 🏁) … traveling all the way from my brain, heart, and computer screen 💕 → to your brain, heart, and computer screen 💕.
